38 weeks 1 day

Sooooo, WOW!! Here I am at the end! I can not believe it. There is no other time in my life when I have more splitting emotions:

I do want her to come out because.... I can not wait to see what she looks like, cuddle her warm soft body against mine, feeling the immense love I know I will feel for her. Watch her grow through all the stages...into a beautiful woman

BUT...

I don't want her to come out becasue there is side that is scared, scared and anxious, and excited to deliver her. How will it happen? When will it happen? And then there is that other side that is sad to have her leave my body knowing this will be the last time I will feel the sweet movements of another with in me. This has been my hardest pregnancy by far, but the miracle and amazing feeling of it all will be missed!

I was talking with a friend the other day about how surreal having a child is. We both joked how when they lay that little alien thing on your belly, we are both feeling this shocked feeling and then it hits us, "THAT'S WHAT IVE BEEN DOING THESE LAST NINE MONTHS, OK CRY TIME TO CRY"

So here is my official statistical update: (this is the ooey gooey details)

-2 cm dilated

-90% effaced (she called it a pushing cervix)

-been nauseous for the past 4 days

- been spotting all day today after she checked me

- just normal braxton hicks, a few are crampy every now and then(mostly at night)

-lost 2 lbs. since last visit! whhoo hooo

I told the doctor I went into this pregnancy being very against induction, but after watching my sister's nearly puuuuuuurrrrfect, nearly painless induction PLUS how uncomfortable and sleepy I am.....Let's just say I almost let her strip my membranes today. WOW! And for those of you that know me, that's pretty desperate, because they stripped my membranes with Ryan and that led to my horrible induction....

She was actually the one that decided against it, saying I might regret it later, and the far far dusty pre-pregnancy part of my brain had to agree with her. She said she would induce me at 40 weeks, BUT she really didn't think I would make it that long......I'm worried she may have jinxed me.

Well to be continued.....

Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery

I am really really good at copying other people's genious. The glory be MINE?? No not usually, the glory usually belongs to my sister, or pottery barn, or Martha Stewert, or ETSY!!

I love,loVe, lOve,lovE ETSY!!!

I have gotten the idea for my hospital gown, (this is my boo-tiful sis Amy modeling, made by the spectacilar hands of me mummy)

...baby blessing dress,

and car seat canopy all from etsy. So thankyou and bless those people out there for your non-money making inspiration!

My latest idea stealing hunt is for...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

a white paper bird mobile of some sort to hang over my baby crib. I just haven't done the rest of the room traditional, so WHY START NOW???

So how about this one...

....Or this one.....

...but this one wins the award for originality..I think I'm in LOVE, but HOW DID SHE DO IT!

I have white cardstock, a craft knife, and a sewing machine....do I have the right tools for the job?

Ideas anyone??

Waiting to Exhale.....

...and inhale....and be able to walk again....and be able to eat normal again.....and sleeeeepppp...oh wait x out the sleep part.

I remember the moment Ryan was born and that wonderful feeling of filling my lungs with all that fresh oxygen down into the under utilized sections of my lungs. Ahhhh

This is my story at 37weeks 4 days:

Now I wait. I have nested and nested and nested some more! I got done nesting and packing my hospital bags at MIDNIGHT last night and already I'm bored! Bored out of my mind! I'm wondering what I did with my life before it was full of running hither and thither to pick up paint, ribbon, onsies,tissue paper,and diapers! What did I do before I spent my days and nights rearranging and cleaning the cabinets, closets, and under beds??

My nails are painted, my toes are painted, my legs and pits are shaved. I'm ready. SO let's go already!!

So I should enjoy this time, right? I can sit back and relax, knowing I'm ready, I'm prepared almost 3 weeks in advance which is unusual for me. But the truth is...I've needed all these activities to distract myself from....

.... this little annoying thing called FULL TERM HELL! This is when your body decides that it no longer appreciates being stretched and torn and sleep deprived! Let me vent a moment, just in case any of you forgot:

- sleep about 4-5 hour stretch (even with Tylenol PM)

- can't breath

- my left hip throbs all (short)night long

- indigestion so I have to sleep half sitting up which gives me a....

- back ache

- walking like a duck, a wounded shot hurt duck

- bottom end "issues" lets say....

- being jammed in the hips and ribs multiple times....

- I'm moody as all heck, poor Seth can do no right, the kids say I've been using my "big voice"

- every time I move or sit up my stomach tightens up into a knot and I can't move

- I'M HOT

- I can't tie shoes, I can't buckle my favorite sandals, I have to sit down to put my pants on

- ONE upside...my tummy sticks out so much that I can't see the number on the scale to weigh myself???

- charlie horses leaving me screaming

- not being able to laugh,sneeze,or cough without, well, you know...and lately I think I need to upgrade from a liner to a diaper

- once again running to the bathroom just to "dribble"

Ok maybe I don't even have it that bad compared to many and I know I'm being a big fat Laman and Lemuel right now.

Because there is this other more angelic side of myself that says that I should be so grateful to be blessed with this pregnancy, this little girl spirit that I thought may never come. I am so excited to cuddle her and I KNOW it will be worth it, BUT mommy me no feel good.......

UNCLE!!! I'm crying UNCLE!!

Called to serve

Church Smile is plastered on my face as the bishop's counselor speaks, "and the new calling we have in mind for you...and we've given this a lot of thought, and we are very excited about is.....

CUB SCOUTS!....."

My church smile fades into dear in the headlights grin as my realization of what he just said....

visions of young rowdy boys,knots,and ugly brown shirts are dancing in my head.

Least to say this was the last calling I thought would "fit" me! My last calling was my perfect fit. You could call it my lid to my pot, my sail to my boat, my cup to my tea

Primary Music Leader...Loved it!! Every Sunday I sang and danced, yes danced occasionally for these beautiful children. I loved their little spirits, still love their spirits and I try to sub as often as I can...

..back to reality....so my optimist brain switches to "how bad can it be" mode. This is my about to have a baby posh job, right? Then I ring my girlfriend Jennifer who was the cub master at the time, but on her way out because she was ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY? She proceeds to tell me it was the most time consuming calling she has ever had!!!!???? And she goes, "they KNOW your pregnant, RIGHT?"

Wow, this is looking better and better by the minute. But I was not raised to be a downer about a calling. And I was raised to smile and nod and rise to the occasion! I'm not cut from the R.S. prez cloth like my mom....that is FOR SURE! But I realize where my strengths are and I think....

I think that's WHY they called me to this calling....

For example, first day cub scout camp. We gather round the cub scout flagpole preparing to do the flag ceremony. To open camp we announce that it's time for the packs to do their cheers. One by one each group of 8-10 boys about whisper their chants. What come again? How boring and quite! I don't like boring and quite!

The next day, I kinda took over. I told them it was a contest to see who had the most spirit. Ok I didn't just tell them, I yelled it at them! Then I told them if they didn't do it loud enough they would have to do it again and again! Well, that lit a fire under their butts and you should have seen their little red, strained faces shouting out these little cheers! Mamma Cubby was sooo proud!

Growing older into my 30's this is what my self-acceptance has been all about. Realizing that I am not EVER going to be the "oh, she is so on the ball" or "she is the best blank leader we have ever had" type. My strengths lie in the details. You plan it and I'll be there to accessorize and make it a great time! Are my pictures colored and laminated? Let's be honest...do they even EXIST! NO!! But what I lack in color and copy skills, I make up for in spirit and enthusiasm.

The Leaders: Jennifer Hunt (organizer, planner supremo) Donna (shopper,implementer of plans) Lisa (knot tier/spirit leader)

Come to find out though...I'm a whimper snapper at KNOTS! This is my new bumper sticker, do you like it?